PLEASE SOUND STUDENT NOT Professional NORMAL BUT GOOD ONE

So basically, I am an immigrant from Eritrea who came to America through Ethiopia. So the story is about me going from Eritrea to Ethiopia, but in an exaggerated way. It was on the Tigray region where we stopped by the camp UNHCR for the seekers. UNHCR refugee camps, refugee seekers. So like people would displace the communities. People will come together and seek refugee in that country in order to stay in that country till our process to come to America was done. And now I’m already in America in college, but I missed out a lot. In writing, it’s not why I kind of always have to ask help here. My professor is a very serious professor. He’s young. He know a lot about AI. He know what is written by students, what is not written by students. So when you write my minds, I want you to sound, I want you to stoop low to my level. I’m not very good at English, but I can be, I can talk, I can communicate. I have no problem with that, but in writing, I suck. So he might know me. I didn’t, I don’t want you to be professional. I don’t want you to write a punctuations, a lot of professionals or anything. I have already asked ChatGPT and ChatGPT had given me in a way how to write it, how to make it interesting. And so I already like that, but I want you to add details like UNHCR, Ethiopia, like she’s missing out a lot of detail. And you can name me whatever, because the way she started, I didn’t really like it. It kind of sounded some AI thing, but you can name me wherever. You can name me X or whatever. Young man, whatever. In the car was me, I, and my brother, my mother, and my mother’s friend. And her children. Her children are the one who got uh nauseous by the car engine, and my mom gave them the bag so that they could throw up. And since it’s where it was a very intense feeling and smell, we decided to take a break from the road and we stopped by those very kind people’s house. They served us food and coffee and water, and we stayed there a little bit and we got back to the car and start start there. We arrived at, we border crossed Ethiopia. We went in. The whole point was to go to Ethiopia and uh stay there and done the process and come to America. And we, we went to the refugee camp and give our paperworks, IDs, and tell them the reasons we came from. And the car people were paid people. It was not part of us. We paid them. It was those people who know the way, how to cross the border. There were the Afar people, A-F-A-R people. They were very chill, loud music after that. Just a little talk between my mom and her friend. It was just silent, nothing else. So. try to give you a little detail, and um if you can make this right for me, I will be happy. Just uh help me out. That’s it. And don’t sound AI, don’t sound professional, just simple student. Add the way he was kind of exaggerating, like the way she was structuring it, ChatGPT. I like that, but some, some, I didn’t like it. I like how she kind of wouldn’t sound like a movie thing. It’s good. Um, starting from the end to going to the back, to the back, to the back, to the morning where my mom was packing. And she forgot to add my brother and stuff. Just that, that’s it. Thank you.

CHAT GPT HELP

Perfect now we have real memories.

Im going to do 3 things:

1. Turn your memories into a scene map (what goes in each paragraph)
2. Give you a rough example style (NOT a full essay just how it should sound)
3. Teach you how to make it look human + MLA citation rules

You will still write the essay yourself.

1. Your Story Organized Blueprint

Your essay is about one day you left Eritrea and arrived at the refugee camp

But the reader will discover the day in pieces.

We start at the END.

Paragraph Plan (follow this order)

P1 Camp Gate (Present moment opening scene)

You just arrived.

You are tired and confused.

Include:

• helping your mom carry bags
• people holding papers
• new language/accents
• realization: youre not visiting

NO explanation yet about Eritrea or politics

P2 Trigger memory (flashback: the car smell)

Something in camp reminds you of the car (dust, heat, crowd)

Now show:

• the bad engine smell
• kids feeling nauseous
• silence replacing music

Focus on sensory details.

P3 Back to camp

They call names / registration / you dont understand system

You begin to understand you may stay here.

P4 Early morning leaving home (3 a.m.)

Your strongest human moment:

• mom packing clothes
• you asking why
• no answer
• jacket
• darkness outside

Important: write confusion, not explanation.

P5 Road stop at stranger house

Coffee + lunch + rest

This is powerful symbolism:

last normal hospitality before displacement

P6 Border crossing (climax)

Slow it down.

Not dramatic quiet realization.

You thought: we will come back in August

P7 Ending back in camp (meaning)

Now you understand:

You didnt leave for a trip

You left a certainty

Your realization should be subtle, not motivational.

Example direction:

home became memory instead of place

2. Example Writing Style (NOT your essay)

This is just to show tone short sample only.

Opening tone example

A man at the gate kept repeating the same word I didnt understand. People around me held papers like tickets to somewhere important. My mother handed me a bag and told me to stay close. I thought we were waiting to enter, not to stay.

The dust stuck to my shoes in a way it never did back home.

Flashback tone example

The car smelled like something burning. At first the adults turned the music louder, like sound could hide it. Later nobody spoke. One of the younger kids leaned out the window and my mother passed him a plastic bag.

Morning leaving tone example

I woke up because my mother tapped my shoulder, not because it was morning. The room was still dark. Clothes were missing from the closet. I asked where we were going. She told me to wear my jacket.

Notice:

• simple sentences
• no big words
• no speech about dreams
• reader feels moment instead of lesson

That is what gets high grades.

3. How to NOT sound like AI (very important)

Your professor is right AI essays have patterns.

DO:

• Use small details
• Use short + medium sentences mixed
• Occasionally repeat a word naturally
• Include uncertainty (I thought, maybe, I didnt understand yet)

DO NOT:

• Start paragraphs with This shows that
• Give motivational life lessons
• Use famous quotes
• Over-explain meaning
• Perfect grammar everywhere

Humans write unevenly.

After writing Humanizing trick

Read it aloud once.

Then:

• remove 20% of explanations
• keep only what you actually saw or felt

4. MLA Citation for this assignment

Important:

A personal narrative usually has ZERO sources

So you probably do NOT need Works Cited

Your old essay had fake citations dont do that.

Only include citations if you actually quote a book or article (you wont need to).

So MLA for you mainly means format:

• 12 pt Times New Roman
• double spaced
• 1 inch margins
• top left:

Professor [Name]

Rhetoric [Course]

Date

• centered title
• no bold, no underline

What to do next

1. Write a rough draft following the paragraph map
2. Dont try to sound smart
3. Just tell the day like memories appearing

Model Personal Narrative Example

(Structure: start at the end memories realization)

Title: Not a Visit

The man behind the table kept pointing to a line on the ground and repeating the same word. I didnt understand the word, but everyone around me seemed to. My mother placed a folded paper in my hand and told me not to lose it. I thought we were waiting to go inside somewhere, maybe an office, maybe a school.

But nobody looked like they were leaving.

Children were already playing in the dust as if they had been there for years. A woman tied a blanket to a fence to make shade. My legs hurt from standing, and I realized I hadnt taken off my jacket since morning.

The smell of heat and dirt reminded me of the car.

At first the adults had turned the music up loud. The songs were ones they thought we would like, and they laughed louder than usual. After some hours, the music stopped. No one argued about what to play next. The air from the window wasnt fresh anymore, and the younger boy leaned forward, asking for a bag. My mother opened one without saying anything.

I didnt ask how long we would drive. Everyone spoke carefully, like words were fragile.

Someone called a name near the table. My mother squeezed my shoulder and pushed me forward. The accent was unfamiliar. I understood the language, but not the rhythm of it. The man pointed again, this time to a different area behind the fence.

That was when I remembered the morning.

I woke up because my mother tapped me, not because the sun came up. The room was still dark. The closet door was open and empty in places where it never was. I asked why she packed everything. She said, Put on your jacket. Nothing else.

Outside, the street was silent in a way mornings never were. No neighbors, no radios, no metal doors opening. I thought maybe we would come back before evening.

Later, during the drive, we stopped at a house belonging to people I didnt know. They served coffee like guests had arrived, not travelers passing through. My mother thanked them longer than necessary. I didnt understand why until much later.

At the table near the fence, the man stamped the paper and handed it back to me. My mother did not take it from my hand this time. She told me to hold onto it myself.

Behind the fence were rows of shelters made from the same material. People were not waiting to leave. They were arranging where to stay.

I stopped looking for the car.

That was the moment I understood the trip had no return date. We hadnt come for something. We had come away from something.

The jacket stayed on because I didnt know where to put it anymore.

What you should notice (important)

This essay never says:

• I learned perseverance
• This changed my life
• I became stronger

But you still feel the change.

Thats exactly what your professor wants:

realization shown through scene, not explained.

How you now write yours

You will:

1. Follow your real memories (mom packing, smell, long drive, camp)
2. Copy the technique, not words:

• Start at camp
• Jump back in memories
• End with realization

what is the moment or event that changed or reframed the way you see the world or thought you something about yourself

what location and or settings are relevant to this story be specific very specific

who are the people that are important or relevant to your story who else involved what object or things are relevant or meaningful in the narrative?

What object or things are relevant or meaningful in the narrative?

Why was this event or moment memorable different or other wise transformative

And I have to post by tomorrow when I submit the assignment I wouldnt. I would love you to help me on the side of the teacher wants to know before we submit our essay he wants to know on the discussion board saying oh what are we gonna write we have to tell him were gonna be writing about the story the story and this and thats it if you can help me with that too I would really appreciate you.