IB Extended Essay on Comfort Women Literature

An IB extended essay on the subject of Studies in Language and Literature, Category 2 (comparison essay). An IB-style literary analysis and comparative analysis of two different works written about Comfort Women: A Cruelty special to our Species by Emily Jungmin Yoon and Grass by Geum Seuk Gendry Kim.

General specifications for IB Extended essay:

• Word Count: max 4,000 words (including introduction, body, conclusion, and quotes).
• Research Question: specific, focused, and approved by a supervisor.
• Assessment Criteria:

The EE is marked out of 34 points based on five criteria:

Criterion A: Focus and Method (6 marks)

Criterion B: Knowledge and Understanding (6 marks)

Criterion C: Critical Thinking (12 marks)

Criterion D: Presentation (4 marks)

Criterion E: Engagement (6 marks – based on reflections)

Document with TEXT-SPECIFIC feedback/comments/suggestions from supervisor 1: https://docs.google.com/document/d/1ApCSRfeASOWebnF_LXHJjvV9hoA0zm0p1FCVRSkmBzw/edit?usp=sharing

GENERAL feedback / recommendations (from 2nd supervisor):

Overall, your essay demonstrates strong insight, thoughtful engagement, and excellent selection of evidence. Your ideas are sophisticated and show genuine intellectual investment in the topic. However, your literary analysis loses marks primarily due to issues in structure, integration, and explicit device analysis.

First, your introduction needs clearer conceptual framing. Before moving directly into textual analysis, it would strengthen your essay to begin with a more general introductory paragraph that defines and explains your central concept. If your thesis argues that silence functions as imposed violation within systematic oppression, you must clearly explain what you mean by this. Define the motif, clarify how silence operates as violence, and briefly situate it within the specific historical and cultural context. If you are interpreting silence in a particular way, your definition must be critically supported and conceptually grounded before applying it to the texts.

Regarding literary analysis, quotations should be integrated smoothly into your own syntax rather than introduced with phrases like the line or the phrase. This not only reduces word count but also demonstrates stronger familiarity and control over the text. Always foreground the authors intention (e.g., The author employs…), rather than centering your own interpretation. Literary devices should be explicitly introduced and analyzed at the moment they appear, not mentioned after the quotation. Naming devices such as irony, metaphor, motif, syntax, parallel structure, brevity, and structural patterns is essential for strong Criterion B performance.

Your analysis should focus closely on specific lines and scenes rather than broad historical commentary. Avoid analyzing general historical phenomena; instead, analyze how language, structure, and stylistic choices construct meaning. In poetry especially, every word and structural decision is intentional, and your analysis must reflect that.

There is also a need for stronger connections between your evidence, sub-arguments, and research question. While your individual insights are strong, they are not consistently tied back to your central argument. Evidence should be grouped and organized under clear analytical directions, with explicit links to your thesis. Structural elements such as repetition, brevity, naming patterns, or silence should be analyzed as deliberate strategies that reinforce your main claim.

Finally, your implications need to be deepened. Analysis should move beyond identifying themes and clearly explain how literary techniques contribute to your broader argument about systematic oppression and imposed silence.

Additional Requests:

Please help me reduce the word count to 3950-3999 words.

Please focus mainly on the feedbacks when correcting/editing the Extended Essay.

Attachments:

1. Screenshots of the poem (in case new/better quotes are needed)

Finally, I would like to thank you deeply for your service 🙂